Funny story

[cherrysis]

Oh Hell Rog...that diary was so funny!!!
Black and Decker Drill/Scud missle...That was awesome!!! [img]graemlins/thumbs_up.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

Hey Sis, Glad to see yer smiling face. It makes me feel good when ya find one of these silly jokes or stories amusing enough to smile [img]biggrin.gif[/img]

Take care.

Jolly Roger

[ellanoize]

What The Hey, since I'm here I might as well post sumptin. Here is one I found on my friend Eds site...

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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IDIOT SIGHTINGS Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
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IDIOT SIGHTINGS #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She Responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
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IDIOT SIGHTINGS #3:
At a good-bye lunch for three coworkers who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
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IDIOT SIGHTINGS #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

[cherrysis]

OH those are great...truly are some stooooopid people in the world!!! [img]rolleyes.gif[/img]

[ellanoize]

Tired of boring old dog names like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc?
The next time you get a dog, name it: Mypenis
Why, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation!

-I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it!

-Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!

-Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.

-I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.

-Mypenis doesn't come when I call it.

-Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.

-If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN!

-I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water.

-At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis.

-Mypenis likes it when people pet him.

-Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!

-Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.

-Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?

-Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.

-I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.

-I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.

-Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.

-I think Mypenis is getting old because he won't get excited anymore. He just plays dead.

-Mypenis got out last night. I think he's sleeping with the lady next door.

-HELP! Mypenis is lost...can you help me find him?

-Sorry to be driving slow officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.

-Sorry to be driving so fast, officer. I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.

-Mypenis got fleas from the neighbors dog.

-Anytime Mypenis gets too excited, I just scratch him behind the head.

-Please do not feed Mypenis table scraps!

-Do you think you could feed Mypenis while I'm on vacation?

-I have a cat that plays very well with Mypenis.

-When I take Mypenis for a ride in the car, I roll down the window so it can hang it's head out.

[ellanoize]

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day when the door bursts
open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five
bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at
a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin
toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting
grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their
voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks
over to the table. sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up
jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives,
all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to
the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the
Cookie Monster.

When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the
blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes up, "Everyone thinks that
blondes are dumb and they make fun of us, so we decided to set the record
straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.
The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"

[ellanoize]

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent says, "Yes, ma'am," the he grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her into a large inner tube, pulls her out the back door and downhill to the river bank, where he pushes her in and sends her floating down the river.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays down her money, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on his cruise?"
The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."

[ellanoize]

The Redneck Letter


Dear Son,
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though, last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week, the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your Father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Ted fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off valiantly and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom

P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

[gus danger]

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<font color="#000000" size="1">[ June 17, 2006 03:39 AM: Message edited by: gus danger ]</font>

[gus danger]

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"